Brenda Slaby Left Baby In Car - Oprah Show June 25 2009 - Tips On How Moms Can Slow Down

The Thursday June 25, 2009 Oprah Winfrey Show was a repeat episode with guest Brenda Slaby. Brenda joined Oprah to share her painful story.

Brenda Slaby told Oprah that she tried to be both the perfect mother and employee. As assistant Principal of a school and the mother of two young girls, she was convinced that she could be "supermom" pleasing everyone by doing it all.

Brenda's First Day Back To Work

On the first day back to school after summer break, August 23, 2007 Brenda Slaby was in a big rush to get everything ready for the school new year. Her husband Gary usually brought the children to the babysitters and pre-school but because of a dental appointment he asked his wife to take the youngest daughter, 2-year-old Cecilia to the sitters for him.

Brenda left the house at 6:00 A.M. but realizing that it was too early to drop Cecilia off at the babysitters house she decided to stop at the store to grab doughnuts for the teachers.

With her mind on all of the things she needed to do at work to start off the new school year she forgot about the babysitter drop off and drove directly to the school.

She spent the day inside the school working, attending meetings, having her lunch break, and even talking to others about her children. She felt like she was having a great first day back, never remembering that she had left her youngest daughter in the car.

A Mother's Worst Nightmare

At 4:00 P.M. one of the teachers ran into Brenda's office to tell her that her baby was in the car. Brenda and other teachers ran out to the car screaming, but it was too late, the toddler still strapped in the carseat was lifeless.

The teachers made efforts to cool down and revive the toddler but she had died of heatstroke. That day temperatures reached 100 degrees and Cecilia had been in the car for close to 8 hours in the stifling heat.

Brenda and her husband Gary were both shocked and devastated. Gary said that he doesn't blame his wife for what happened and that on occasion he had made the mistake of forgetting the girls at the babysitters. He knows that Brenda would never intentionally do anything to harm her children and blames what happened on change in routine combined with a hectic lifestyle.

Most Hated Mom In America

Brenda was never charged with any crime and police were empathetic but those in her community could not understand how a mother could make such a mistake.Brenda told Oprah that she became "the most hated mom."

Brenda's Message To Busy Moms

Brenda Slaby wants to send an important message to overwhelmed mother's...SLOW DOWN! Don't try to be perfect. In Brenda's own words "I've learned to say a lot, 'It just doesn't matter,'" she says. "The house doesn't matter, the perfect dinner doesn't matter—the kids matter."

Society's Warped Expectations Of Motherhood

I personally feel sorry for Brenda and I blame society's exceedingly high expectations on us mothers. As a mother of four I feel very pressured to do it all, to work (make an income to contribute financially to the household), cook, clean, help with homework, put my children in swimming, dance, and music lessons, do the shopping, and on and on...and every magazine tells me I should be spending time pampering myself (are they serious?)

Nobody, can do everything! And I'm glad that Oprah featured a guest that proves it's impossible to so many things at once without making some serious mistakes along the way.

Busy Mom? Here's Some Great Tips

Here's some articles on "How To Slow Down" that I've gathered from across the web, it's time for mom's to step back and take a breath:

Parenting Blog - Busy Moms, Please Slow Down!

The Mommy Files - A Note To Parents - Slow Is The New Way To Go

Dr. Phil - Advice For Overscheduled Moms

Comments

[Joy Johnson]

I disagree with the conclusions drawn about Brenda. I do feel empathy for her, but I think Oprah and her show did not do justice for the baby. I cannot imagine how the death for that poor child would have been. She must have been in agony. I agree nothing would be worse than losing a child in that way, but Brenda should see jail time, even though it was unintentional death. Jail is not only for punishment but to protect society. If she couldn't remember her child was her vehicle, I shudder to think about her other child. Her other daughter needs protection from that parent and it would be a deterrent for other parents to be more careful, if they knew they spend time in jail. Unfortunate that a parent would need a deterrent like jail not to kill their child in a hot car, but seems necessary with all the cases.

[Susan]

I saw this show for the first time yesterday, and I do not understand several aspects of what happened. Though I understand the purpose of the show and the message for mothers, there are facts that just do not sit well with me. The show was taped near the one-year anniversary of Cecilia's death. How could Brenda Slaby calmy discuss what she did? It turns my stomach how matter-of-factly the subject was discussed. Cecilia was cooked to death. Imagine her screaming and suffering in the intensely hot car. How could a mother not completely lose her mind after killing her daughter? She has already started pursuing another masters degree during this time of grieving? How was she not prosecuted for child neglect or endangerment? Didn't the babysitter call Brenda or her husband to find out why Cecilia was absent? Apparently, Brenda's habit of leaving Celclia in the car seat all the time made her not even see or realize that she was there. There is no excuse for what happened, and though there was an important message to the show, I can't believe that America has accepted what Brenda Slaby did as a tragic accident--tragic accident yes, but also completely and totally negligent! As a mother of 3, I could and never would completely forget my children. They are always on my mind.

[Lynn Hall]

The nerve of Oprah and Mrs. Slaby to title this show "Overwhelmed Mothers!" It is more like "Negligent mothers who escape prosecution." There is no excuse for this mother's actions and furthermore, her complete disregard for her child's suffering and death is incomprehensible to any mother. How overwhelmed could a person be who has just spent her summer lounging around reading romance novels...apparently, donuts for fellow teachers who also had the summer off were more important than her poor little baby...I am a nurse who spends 12 hours a day with critically ill patients who depend on me...and I would never use the excuse of being overwhelmed to justify the death of a child. Give me a break, Brenda...you should be under a rock or in jail breaking up rocks instead of appearing on national tv.

[Administrator]

Hi Joy,

I agree with you that the show did not do justice for the baby and her horrible death. I don't think that Brenda Slaby should serve actual jail time but should have had to have parenting and stress management courses and been ordered a hefty amount of volunteer work.

Hi Susan,

I see your point about Brenda's calmness during her Oprah interview. My grandmother's child died in a horrible kitchen accident and my grandmother had a breakdown that lasted several years and was definitely never the same.

I know that everyone handles their grief differently though and we can't see how distraught she is when she's alone.

Hi Lynn,

Of course what she did was wrong, but I understand the meaning of the show. Mother's need to slow down their schedules so they don't make mistakes that could hurt their children.

I personally can't understand how someone could forget their child, I know I sure couldn't. But I can understand that juggling too many things can lead to catastrophe and I think that's the message Oprah was trying to send to mothers.

[S. A Russell, CMT]

I think it is easy to say what you "think" you would or wouldn't do when it is "not" you! Why is society so judgemental? It was not more devestating for us than it was for that mother, father and sibling, so even though we are not able to understand, we all know it was horrible and Brenda Slaby will forever remember this event. That is punishment in itself knowing that you caused the unintenional death of your own child.
So do we just deem her "the worst mother ever" and go on with our own lives as if there was not a message in this event? Who deemed any of you the "best moms ever"? I think that it was sad and unfortunate, yet it happened and we all need to wake up and pay attention and try our best not to allow it to happen to us and our children. Take the negative energy you are spearing toward Mrs. Slaby and turn it into something positive so you can have some peace in your mind and hearts. If it was you, how would you feel if society treated you as though you were not human and imperfect?

[Jackie Rogers]

God is a forgiving God,so who are we to judge anyone!

[too humiliated to post a name...]

I recently heard a news cast of a lady who accidently left a friends' baby in the carseat and found the baby dead later. I sobbed as I was driving to work, because tragically, this CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE!
Girls' day out a couple of years ago. I had my oldest daughter, my 14 yr old and my grandbaby. I dropped off my oldest daughter to pick up her car from the shop. We were to go to the bank, the post office, then meet at Walmart in a few. The grandbaby was tired and fell asleep. When we got to Walmart, in the back of my mind, the baby was with her mother. My 14 yr old and I got out of the car and went into Walmart. Ten minutes later, I met my oldest daughter who asked "Where is ..." She could tell by the look on my face as we both ran to the car. A lady had already called the police and the car door was open. The baby was just waking from her nap, unaffected...wondering what all the commotion was about. No one could ever imagine how I felt, the anger at myself, the embarrassment, the thankfulness that she was OK and that it was not too hot, that we got to her in time, the list goes on and on. It was the Grace of God that Saved a Wretch like me. I have almost had a breakdown over this incident. I keep wondering what God wants me to learn from this horrifying mistake. I'm not a bad person, I love my grandbaby more than life itself. But this could have ended much like others that made it to the headlines. The tips listed are excellent. Please do not judge, lest ye be judged in some other tragic mistake.

[imperfect mom]

dear "too humiliated,"

thank you for sharing your story. it has encouraged my hurting heart tonight. i am a great mom to two wonderful children whom i love with all my heart. but even great moms can make foolish decisions at times - we are imperfect humans who sometimes make a bad judgment call. i think we'd all be lying to say we always make the best decisions. well, today ... i made a split second decision to leave my kids buckled in their carseats while i went into a store to pick up pictures (of them!). about 5 minutes later, i came out and found that a lady had called 911 and an hour later, police came by my house and cited me with child abuse charges. i will appear in court in two months. i accepted full responsibility for my decision. it was a foolish decision and i got caught and i will never do it again. and the most important things to me right now are: 1) my kids are alright - i would never forgive myself if my choice had caused them harm; 2) i told the complete truth to the law enforcement and accepted what they deemed as best and 3) i am not a child abuser. the truth will set me free. i am prepared to accept any consequences the judge rules. i am thankful that God put people in place to look out for the best for me and my children. i am sad that i have to pay a price for this indiscretion. i am thankful that my children are safe and happy and that the last thing they heard from me tonight was, "i love you."

[Christy]

Imperfect Mom,

Thanks for sharing your story. Even though you may have made a bad decision by leaving your kids in the car, that alone surely does not make you a child abuser. The laws are really tough but everything will turn out OK and in the end this experience will likely make you an even better mom, and definitely a stronger one.